Graham's Top Tips

[DaveBrigg]

Before attempting some late night DIY in the bathroom, that involves trimming tile edging with a Stanley Knife, unnecesary mess can be avoided by positioning the first aid kit next to the tile cement.

 

[DaveBrigg]

Blood can be removed from limestone floors by applying generous quantities of water before it has had a chance to soak in too far.

 

[Penners]

:x

 

[skier-hughes]

Don't spend a fortune going on a skiing holiday to some sunny French Alps resort, stay at home, do some restoration work or sleep for a week and then ski at home in the cold!!!!

 

[Penners]

All the time you were away, the weather here was glorious.

Would you go away again, please?

 

[skier-hughes]

Please send money to send Graham on holiday to Acc number .........

 

[Nemesis]

Siberia?

Cold there...

 

[DaveBrigg]

Ever wondered how to increase your popularity with the birds?
After having your property reroofed, try waiting for warmer weather before putting the bargeboards back up and filling any gaps with lime mortar. Within weeks your roof will become a giant nesting box with at least four different species adding straw and feathers to the existing insulation (and other, less pleasant substances).

We're expecting a visit from Bill Oddie any day now.

 

[charlie-ia]

Ive learnt everything I know at my dear Daddy's knee. A very sensible man. Im sure with his advice Ill be able to turn our heap into a safe and happy home.

One pudding bowl is not enough to catch the water remaining in the short length of pipe running to the broken shower if you dont turn the water off first.

theres no point messing about trying to trying to fix it, showers are cheap enough.

the large amounts of wrappings and instructions from a new shower make a lovely warm fire for after your bath.

when the replacement doesnt work, return it to the shop you bought it from, with the recipt and packaging.

If all else fails check the mains fusebox.

When teaching a new skill, such as fitting a new lightswitch, get the apprentice to do the work while you supervise, guiding them carefully through each step.

the person using the screwdriver should always check that the right circuit is actually off at the mains, even if you just got someone to turn it on for a monent again, just to test.

when removing the upstairs floorboards to get at the heating pipes, leave the floorboard that runs across the doorway in place and work round it as they're a bother to get out or replace without doing damage.

when working in visually obscured areas it confuses your brain less if you close your eyes and just feel what your doing with both hands.

demonstrate this by using the angle grinder to cut the pipe under the doorway floorboard

its important to move your hand away quickly at any sign of pain.

listen to your mother when she tells you to carry a clean hanky.

when replacing the gas boiler, cut the pipes with the angle grinder.
when youve cut the pipe and hear a whooshing noise, put your lit fag on the boiler while you go to check that the gas is off at the mains.

 

[DaveBrigg]

If your cellar door is badly warped, so that it closes snugly at the bottom whilst letting in a Force 10 at the top, a bolt is a cheap and easy solution. Screw the bolt to the top of the door, with a corresponding hole drilled into the frame.

Then keep some spare underwear handy for when you are working alone late at night, the strain of the warped door pulling on the bolt splits the frame around the edge of the hole, and the cellar door behind you opens itself with a crash.

 

[lorbight]

Fantastic post... I was reading through this only the other day thinking "I'm glad I've not done anything so stupid...".

Add cement to a sand/water mix to create mortar. Don't repoint a wall without it!!!

I'm in the death throws of finishing re-instating the fireplace and last night noticed the repointing I'd done on the back wall was looking a little powdery. Poking it with my finger (and then a screwdriver) I found that all the lovely clean 'mortar' was falling off like, well, sand. Going back to the packet of mortar I'd bought, I found I'd not added the cement. It was helpfully wrapped separately in a plastic bag at the bottom of the mortar bag.

Grumble.

At least i'm not alone. Thank you!

 

[MdB]

Using cement to repoint an old wall rather than lime and then posting about it on the PPUK website....

 

[Nemesis]

It's not April 1st yet is it?

:shock:

( I only hope this is fire cement...)

 

[Ian Bond]

Well, there may still be a chance that the cement hasn't been used yet. Having the cement in a separate bag was fortuitous.

So simply rake out the sand, mix it with lime putty to make a nice lime mortar and everyone's happy!!!!!

Never mind lorbight, I'm sure most of us used cement at one time or another. Guilty m'lud. Perhaps you'll take a leap of faith with lime, and join us in the tiny minority of builders eschewing c*m*nt?

 

[lorbight]

WHAT HAVE I DONE?!!!! Oh, caught red-handed m'lud.

Forgive me. I'm still learning.

 

[FamilyWiggs]

When replacing some of the central floorboards in narrow corridor, remember to lift the carpet gripper rods from the peripheral boards first.

[/b]Because it hurts like b*gger when you get up from the floor and put your palms on to the peripheral boards to push yourself up.

Have done this three times this afternoon, and I'm still bleeding. :evil:


Also remember your fingernail provides less resistance than your chisel when using a motorised grinder. However, the heat generated usually cauterises the wound, preventing excessive blood loss.

 

[FamilyWiggs]

Sorry - bad use of bold in last post.

 

[Nemesis]

Under the circumstances, I feel allowed.

 

[Ian Bond]

I'm just amazed that you've still got an undamaged finger left to type with after a day like that!

Ouch - done it myself with carpet grippers, and was glad to get rid of them, and the carpet.

 

[Gervase]

Ooh, carpet grippers - not nice to kneel on, either. That prompts a few naughty words.
Oh, and, when using an impact driver, don't start a conversation - as I did the other day, and then proceeded to put a screw through a piece of batten and into the top of the finger that was holding the batten steady. That hurt quite a bit and left a rather messy hole (it was a Speed-drive screw with the cutting bit at the point ).